My New Relationship

During the past few days, I have been thinking about where I started and I have to say, I have come a long long way! Just 3 months ago, I couldn't pass up some icing from the cake aisle at the grocery store..or stacking my plate really high at the buffet so it didn't look like I was making so mamy trips even though the last 3 trips were just for dessert.. or trying to convince my husband it was cheaper to go to Red Robin than McDonald's because you could get more food there. I was on a bad road y'all! I honestly believe this surgery saved my life!

At first, I was trying to convince myself that after the surgery, I couldn't have all the sweets and sugar and I surely couldn't eat as much at one time.. but what I found out is that as you learn what those things are doing to your body, you decide you don't want those things anymore! I don't want to eat a single bite of icing, much less a whole tub! There's not one thing on the menu at Red Robin I'd pay for to put into my body! It's a mindset y'all! You have to make up your mind that this way of life, this quality of life is over! Start from scratch! Learn the basics of nutrition, then dig deeper to learn how foods affect your body which in turn affects your mood, your relationships, your feelimgs, your confidence, everything about you!

I got to a point just before surgery where I tried to turn the lights out before I took ny clothes off in front of my husband. I had become so embarrassed and ashamed of myself thinking my husband was thinking all the negative things about me that I was thinking about myself! I told myself even if I lost all this extra weight and never came back to this place, he will never forget how disgusting I look now. He will never look at me the same. Right after surgery, I told him that I felt that way. After a long conversation about why I felt that way about myself, we came to the realization that I am my worst critic! He never once thought I looked disgusting or repulsive.. he knew I felt that way because the confidence I once had in myself was gone. The pride I took in my attire and daily look had vanished. He saw it, he knew it, but he still loved me through it because he understood that I had to be the one to make the decision to change! It took me a long time to come to that decision but I finally did and it was one of the best ones I've made yet!

I now eat food to fuel my body! I know that I need to take in a lot of protien and that every meal needs to be rich in it! Every now and then I feel a craving for something specific but so far I've only craved a good salad, a pickle, and peanut butter lol. My relationship with food has become a healthy give and take relationship. I am so proud of how far I have come and I can't wait to see what the next few months has to offer me! God is doing great things through this journey with me, even if we don't see the big picture yet. We will...in due time!

Much love y'all! Until next time,

Kay